A while back I was delighted to write a fun column for a local newspaper/website. It was probably for longer than a year. It was unpaid. (Working for free ain’t freeing but I found it fun at the time.)
Anyhooooo, I’m unsure if the piece was published but I found it while rooting through my laptop.
As my bushes being trimmed was a popular post…I figured I’d share this here.
Most men only get waxed for charity. Doesn’t that tell us ladies something? And to think hair removal has to be done when we are having ‘me’ time or pampering ourselves. Hullo?
Yes, men remove hair from their faces often. But it seems like it’s an almost pleasurable experience. If they choose not to shave that’s fine too. Designer stubble is allowed. Goatees, mustaches, and Vikingesk beards; all have an appeal.
Facial hair on a woman though? Whooh! Despite plucking, threading, tweezing, and ripping hair off we’ve now taken-to-drawing more hair onto our eyebrows. What are we like?
Leg hair and underarm hair are impossible to reach in their entirety. It’s never as serene as the advertisements where there’s an elegantly toned leg on the edge of a bath. Is it? Be honest. There’s far more panting, cursing, and slipping in the shower. And if you wear glasses, you’re bound to have missed a whole furrow of fuzz on the inside of your calf.
Never while hell is hot, could you smile while using a hair removal device. One that works effectively - is torture.
Don’t even mention the hair removal creams. They reek. Can’t you smell them just thinking of them? And we should never discuss when, in a sleep-deprived state, we tried to use it as toothpaste!
Can you imagine a man’s expression if the latest beauty trend involved his nether region hair being sculpted into some shape? And we give the styles names. What names might we give a man’s speedo waxing? Perhaps, there is one? Is there?
(I know there’s a ‘back, sack, and crack’ but japers we wouldn’t put the critters through that regularly - would we?)
LASER! We take it off with lasers now too. I can smell the burning pain from here.
‘But there’s a satisfaction and cleanliness in beautiful, smooth skin,’ I hear you say. There is indeed. It lasts maybe a day (or two at the outside) and then you have the stubble and itch of regrowth… I know… enough said there.
Maybe next time we are getting the legs waxed we could invite along a crowd, have alcohol and get paid for the pain, as a crowd hoops and hollers encouragement. Or maybe we’ll decide it’s still winter, and let body hair go feral, for another while?
The men of Spain, especially the young, are obsessed with removing hair just about everywhere except their faces these days. Pretty sure it's not out of solidarity... ;)